


Psychotic

by professionalpretender



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Gen, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Multiple Personalities, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:33:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8502649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/professionalpretender/pseuds/professionalpretender
Summary: We are told it is okay to be different. Lies, it's all lies. I haven’t driven myself mad. No, they who put me here make me mad. The desire to be considered normal is what keeps me here... and maybe a gorgeous woman. Or the AU where Clarke has Multiple Personality Disorder and Lexa is her psychologist.





	1. Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's internal thoughts are in 'italics'

**Psycho** tic  
**Chapter 1:** Life

_Life is just one huge cliché. It begins and it ends. Society has long learnt to sift through the billions of stories of humanity, opting to only highlight those of us who have either earned the title of success or committed inconceivable crimes of hurt and destruction to our world. These people leave a mark on history and, much like the Gods, will be remembered in society long after they are gone. If you aren’t one of these people, it is as if your existence never really mattered._

_Humans let fear conquer their lives. Fear is common among us all; death, the dark, heights. They all hold us back from our true potential; however some of us are smart or foolish enough to brave these fears._

_Little did most people know; up here, high above the clouds, everything was so beautiful._

Perched on the edge of a windowsill, a girl sat surveying the tall buildings of the only city she had ever known. Glass windows twinkled in the sunlight, highlighting the orange glow that cascaded across the face of the city.

Although sitting at this height could spell more danger than what the beautiful sight was worth, the girl chose to remain, taking a gamble on fate. She knew that one slip or change in weight would send her body plummeting to the earth below, where costumers sat enjoying their meals gathered around tables, making a loud ruckus of a mix of chatter and laughter.

Having a bird’s-eye view of the civilisation underneath her, the girl studied how the people below her interacted with one another. Everyone seemed to have the same look of joy on their faces.

_Everyone believed their story was different because society has failed to realise that the plotlines are all the same. There were no twists or turns, their stories all followed the same cliché scaffold of concluding in either a happy or dreadfully sad ending._

_This was the main reason why society has lost its originality. Never, were_ normal _people’s stories told. What appeared to be a tedious lifestyle to most, had hidden potentials and secrets layered under its neutral appearance._

Looking down at the people beneath her, the woman, for the hundredth time, wondered what it would be like to fall forward off this ledge and onto the dozen of unsuspecting individuals below her, undoubtedly fracturing and breaking all the delicate bones in her body during the process. Of course she never had the guts to follow through with these thoughts but that didn’t stop her from wondering if it would spice up the stories of the people she was observing.

“Clarke it’s almost time for your shift!” The sound of shoes scuffing against wooden steps and loud footsteps were heard as the voice began approaching the room the girl sat in.

Blonde hair blew across the girls face as the wind from outside began to pick up, slightly rocking her off-balance. The dull ache in her stomach muscles grew as they worked overtime in order to keep her body upright and balanced. She couldn’t remember what it felt like to be in pain, physical pain that was. Nothing ever seemed to compare to the war raging on inside her mind.

“C’mon slacker, we have to prepare for the dinner rush” The muffled voice sounded again, only to reach deaf ears as the blonde didn’t even stir from her position. “Clarke, open up” The knocking began as the voice tried to pry its way into the room.

“Clarke, open the door” The voice commanded as the knocks against the door became more defined and agitated, the lock on the door buckling against its confines from the constant attacks.

Again, the sounds failed to enter into the girl’s thoughts enough for her to register what was going on outside. However it was enough to earn a spark from a voice deep inside of her, _‘Intruder’._

“Clarke! CLARKE!” The rattling sound of keys resonated into the room from the crack underneath the door, “I’m coming in”.

The door burst open in a swift motion, the door handle smashing into the plastered wall behind it as the  _intruder_  entered the room.

“CLARKE! What are yo-” The voice stuttered as the woman that it belonged to was hit with a wave of shock and fright, “Get down from there!”

Without a moment of hesitation the woman swooped into the room, wrapping her arms securely around the blonde’s waist and wrenching her backwards off of the windowsill into the safety of the middle of the room.

Frantic eyes immediately scanned the blonde’s body for any signs of injuries. _No bruises, no cuts, no blood. Thank God._ Seeing that no physical harm had come to her daughter, the woman’s raging heartbeat calmed slightly, however relief around Clarke was always short lived. A chill ran down the woman’s back as she made eye-contact with Clarke’s glossed-over stoic eyes which were still staring ahead looking at the scenery out of the window.

“Clarke, come back” The middle-aged woman shouted while firmly clasping the sides of the blonde’s body and shaking her rather harshly, attempting to get any signs of life from the girl. “Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, react” The woman lightly smacked the girl’s cheeks, forcing her gaze to look at her.

She just needed a sign of life, a reaction, any reaction at all. The blank gaze that adopted the features of her daughters face had always been enough to send Abby into a panic. Her eyes were devoid of any emotion and if it wasn’t for the slow rise and fall of Clarke’s chest Abby would have contemplated feeling for a pulse to check if she was in fact alive.

_‘Intruder’._

Clarke suddenly blinked, the water of her blue eyes freezing over as they hardened into a cold glare.  Abby could have sworn her eyes dimmed a few shades, or perhaps this is how Clarke’s eyes had always looked like without a twinkle in her eye.

Abby felt faint under the intensity of the glare that pierced through her body, this was not the reaction she had hoped for. Shifting her glare from engraving holes into Abby’s skull, Clarke’s gaze fell onto the pair of arms gripping onto her body, holding her down with a substantial amount of force.

“Go away intruder” The voice that growled from within Clarke’s throat was much huskier than her usual one.

Abby took a double take at the girl in front of her, stunned to be greeted by such a low, menacing voice. “C-Clarke, I’m not an intruder. It’s me, Mum” Abby couldn’t stop the tears that brimmed at the edges of her eyes as she began shaking the blonde’s body again, hoping to shake some sense into her.

_‘Bad move’._

“NO! GO AWAY INTRUDER” Clarke’s knee swiftly shot up, her foot planting firmly square onto Abby’s chest as she kicked her away, propelling Abby across the room and onto the floor. With a grunt, Abby crashed into the hardwood floor clutching onto her sides whilst gasping for air. 

Staring at the brunette who had imprisoned her, Clarke began to shake as pure rage coursed through her veins. Abby coughed harshly as she stumbled back onto her feet, trying to get back the lung-full of air that had been knocked out of her. By the time Abby regained her bearings Clarke had already reached a dangerous point of hatred, her whole body shaking as adrenaline pumped through her. 

Having no other choice, Abby flung her body at the ticking time bomb, wrapping Clarke’s small body into a warm and supposedly loving embrace. Her knuckles turned bright white as she held onto Clarke in a death grip as the girl immediately began thrashing to get the brunette off of her.

“I’m not going to hurt you! Clarke, Clarke, please! Please it’s me! Clarke, it’s me!” 

“Let go!” Clarke clawed at the arms that restrained her, trying to free herself from the _intruder_.

“Come back Clarke, come back please” Abby frequently repeated, her teeth grinding together to hold in the sounds of pain as her body took a complete beating from Clarke’s attacks.

Abby endured it all; punches, kicks, biting, scratching, the insults, all of it. Although her body could only take so much before it was stinging in excruciating pain, Abby didn’t let go, she would not give up on her daughter.

It was as if hours had passed by the time Clarke’s attacks began to weaken, her tensed body gradually slackening in Abby’s embrace. Eventually the blonde slumped forward, leaning her full weight onto Abby as her arms hung limply to her sides.

“M-Mum?” Clarke whispered against her mother’s shoulder, her voice filled with confusion.

“Yeah, it’s me Sweetie” Abby hugged her daughter’s body closer to her, burying her face into the blonde locks of her daughter’s hair attempting to muffle any sobs.

Clarke felt her mum tremble against her, her chest taking staggered and forceful breaths. Pulling away slightly from the embrace, Clarke looked up at her mother with twinkling blue eyes; a look of unshed tears and remorse swimming around the blue waters as they made eye contact with her mother.

Abby let out a sigh of relief, gently caressing her daughter’s face. “You came back”

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean t-I didn’t know it was you. I-I-” Tears began welling up in Clarke’s eyes as she desperately tried to figure out what was happening. She didn’t remember her mother ever entering the room, let alone being wrapped in her arms. Nothing made sense and it made Clarke’s head feel like it was spinning.

“Shhh” Abby whispered, her head resting against Clarke’s forehead. “I know Clarke, I know. It’s okay now, you came back to me and that’s all that matters” Abby kissed Clarke’s forehead tenderly.

“Now how about we get you to take your tablets?” And just like that, everything went back to normal as Abby stepped back, breaking the embrace and putting on a cheerful smile that often adorned her face.

Turning on her heels, Abby walked over and picked up the bottle of pills that always sat on Clarke’s bedside table. Immediately popping two white pills into her hand as she returned to where Clarke stood, “Here you go”

Abby’s eyes widened, removing any signs of crow’s feet ever being around her eyes. Clarke was gone. Quickly scanning the room, it wasn’t long until Abby spotted her daughter lying on the ground beside her bed, her blankets wrapped around her in a bid to hide herself from her mother.  
  
_She was such a child sometimes._

Abby sighed. It wasn’t uncommon to see Clarke in bed after one of her episodes; they often tired her out but by the trembling of the blankets she could tell something else was going on.

“Clarke” Abby’s voice hardened in a stern warning.

A shift in the blanket burrito acted as the only response to Abby’s call.

“Clarke” Abby tried again, a sigh evident in her voice.

“I don’t want them” Clarke’s voice came out strained from behind the wall of blankets she had engulfing her. Hearing footsteps approaching, Clarke peaked out of a small pocket in the blanket looking up to see her mother standing in front of her with her hands on her hips, easily towering over her.

“Now Clarke” Abby demanded, quickly losing her patience. “You know the doctors said it was bad for you to miss taking them”

“What if I choke on them? Or, or, they give me bad indigestion?”

Abby sighed again. Keeping up with these mood swings were exhausting. “You have never choked on them or had any indigestion problems before”

Clarke’s head popped out completely this time, revealing blue eyes clouded by anxiety. “I might today”

“You’re an adult Clarke” Abby couldn’t supress her eye roll. “If you don’t like to see Marcus there are plenty of other doctors you can go to. But like I told you before, they’re all going to say the same thing. So please just take your tablets”

Abby reached out and pulled the covers off of Clarke’s body. Alarmed at the sudden loss of security, Clarke bolted straight up, her teeth clamping closed to make a blockade from the pill being able to enter her mouth as she saw her mother reach down to pin her body down with her knees.

Clarke instantly thrashed around, trying to wiggle out from underneath her mother which now practically straddled her.

“Dr Kane is an idiot” Clarke whined, moving her head from left to right in order to avoid Abby’s hands as they tried to push the pill into her mouth. Clarke used her tongue to fill the evident gaps her rows of teeth made when they lined up. _Damn it, if she had only gotten those braces when she was 14 she would have a perfect pill barricade by now._

Seeing that she was losing this battle Clarke attempted to plea again, “No mum, please! You don’t know the risks! I could die!”

“You’re going to die if you don’t take these tablets” Abby threatened through gritted teeth, she hated when she had to forced Clarke but she was one stubborn lady; Clarke was getting this medication into her body one way or another.

Abby immediately stuck her hand into Clarke’s mouth as she opened it to argue back; shoving the pills down to the back of her throat with her fingers, Clarke had no choice but to swallow them.

Getting off of her daughter immediately, Abby passed down a water bottle to help Clarke pass the tablets down her throat which the latter gladly accepted.

“Urgh, they taste yuck” Clarke stuck her tongue out, screwing up her face in disgust.

“They’re tablets Clarke” Abby deadpanned, “They have no flavour”.

“Well those ones tasted bad” Clarke whined, causing Abby to crack a smile at her daughter’s childish behaviour. Clarke had the habit of contradicting logical things, she did it so often that Abby had learnt to find it endearing.

“Alright Kiddo, time to work. Dinner won’t prepare itself for all those hungry customers” Abby smiled as she stood up and held her hand out to help Clarke up.

Trudging through her exhausted state, Clarke groggily made her way downstairs to their family restaurant, following behind Abby’s lead the whole way.

 

* * *

 

“Freedom!” Clarke spread her arms out wide as she made her way to the top of the ladder, pulling herself up onto the rooftop of the building. Her eyes were firmly planted on the sky, marvelling at how blue peaked out from behind the cover of white clouds.

This was by far Clarke’s favourite part of the day; getting to sit up amongst the sky, high above the rest of the campus, escaping from the stresses of her morning classes and ongoing assessments. Up here she felt so free and content with herself.

“Hey, move your ass! The rest of us don’t want to be hanging here all day” Clarke was abruptly pulled from her cloud of thoughts by an impatient groan.

Looking down behind her from the edge of the rooftop, Clarke’s gaze immediately made contact with the impatient faces of her three friends. Based on how their eyebrows were furrowed together, Clarke could sense that they were annoyed their climb up the ladder to the roof had been halted by her not moving off the ledge. The four of them weren’t exactly permitted to be up here and if their university found out that the rooftop of their tallest campus building was being used as the lunch spot for a bunch of 3rd year students, they’d probably flip.

“I’m moving, I’m moving” Clarke mumbled to herself as she caught sight of Octavia irritated glare as she tried balancing her folders in one arm and held the run of the ladder in the other.

With Clarke out of the way, it wasn’t long before all four of them were sat in their usual spot in the middle of the rooftop, their folders and notes long laid forgotten. It had been a total bitch to get these chairs up here when they were freshman but it was totally worth it, to have a view like this while eating was simply priceless.

“Dude, your mum’s cooking is so good!”

Clarke, who had been observing the campus close to the edge of the rooftop, turned around and smiled at her friends that were practically fighting over the containers of left-overs from the restaurant her mum had cooked last night. Abby was always one to cook just a little too much food by _accident_ and _accidentally_ had just enough left-over to feed Clarke’s friends for lunch the following day.

“Mama Griffin definitely knows how to give foodgasms” Jasper hummed in bliss, adding to Monty’s previous comment.

“I bet that’s not the only thing she knows how to give” Jasper and Monty smirked at each other, hi-fiving over their ‘awesome’ joke. This wasn’t the first time this conversation had been had, but that didn’t make it any less gross.

“Ow!”  Jasper and Monty chorused as their heads were rammed into each other by Octavia who had been seated behind them, stretching to get some pork.

“As if you haven’t thought Clarke’s mum has a rocking body” Jasper hissed as his hand massaged his temple where it had been hit.

Octavia simply shrugged in response, looking rather indifferent and deadpanned. “She’s a married woman for Christ sake”

“I didn’t hear a no! O totally has the hots for Mama G” Monty exclaimed as both him and Jasper fell into another fit of laughter.

Octavia could see Clarke, through her peripheral vision, shift uncomfortably from where she stood at the ledge of the rooftop. Normally she would have coaxed Clarke to sit down with them but she had known Clarke for enough years now to know that that approach wouldn’t work. Clarke did what she wanted, whenever she wanted.

“Just shut up and eat. You look like you’re about to starve to death” Octavia sent a glare to the main culprit, Jasper, earning a burst of laughter from Monty.

“I do not look starved!” Jasper’s voice practically squeaked, clearly flustered at the comment.

“You do look pretty lanky” Monty admitted from beside him.

“Dude! Does the bro code mean nothing to you?!”

 

As Octavia and Monty homed in on their prey, cornering Jasper into an inescapable situation of teasing, the trio failed to notice the person wandering off further across the roof top, suffocating in her own thoughts. Clarke gripped her head, feeling it pulse under her fingertips, as she tried to keep up with the constant flow of thoughts and voices swimming around. None of the voices ever wanted to work with one another; no, they all _had_ to fight for control.

_‘Run’_

Her eyes shifted from one place to the next frantically looking for some form of relief from this monotonous environment. Feeling her chest begin to tighten, Clarke squeezed her eyes shut trying to focus on a single voice.

_‘Climb’_

Her head pounded fiercely, urging her to keep staggering forward. Before long Clarke fluttered her eyes open and found herself gripping the side of a metal structure hoisting herself up higher into the sky. She didn’t remember how she got here or how she had made her way onto the adjacent corner of the roof or why her friends started screaming for her to not dangle over the edge of the building. One thing Clarke was sure of is that she wanted to reach the top.

The metal groaned under her weight, the creaking growing louder as the wind began to forcefully push against the antenna. Clarke’s hands gripped the smooth steel bars of the antenna, adrenaline running through her veins as the cold metal contrasted against the heat of her skin. In one swift motion, Clarke continued to pull her body weight up the set of horizontal steel bars, her dominant right hand leading as she focused on reaching the top.

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Octavia called out from below, having edged her way carefully onto the thin ledge. Clarke was easily three or four metres above them now, scaling the metal structure which only narrowed as it neared the top. Octavia’s eyes quickly scanned the path ahead of Clarke which she would have to take in order to make it to the top. To her dismay the final meter of height came with greater risks, Clarke would have to reach across to a different column of bars and fully hang off the side of the building. _If she slipped_ , Octavia couldn’t bring herself to finish the rest of that thought as she noted how high up they really were.

“Clarke, get down from there!” Monty shouted, watching as the metal antenna began to wobble more and more the higher Clarke ventured. There was no way Clarke would be able to make that jump and have the pure upper body strength to pull herself up to safety. She didn’t even go to the gym with the rest of them.

“Don’t you dare do what I know you’re thinking about doing!” Jasper threatened, glaring at the girl who was now dangerously hanging by one arm trying to reach across the gap. Seeing Clarke glance down at her feet multiple times to the bar she must grab, all three of them knew what was about to happen.

“Clarke! Clarke!”

 _‘Do it. You can make it’_ Narrowing her eyes at the bars above her, Clarke decided to take a leap of faith. Standing on her toes like a cat, Clarke leapt forwards throwing her hands into the air at an attempt to shoot her body closer towards the metal bar.

As if time slowed down to follow the rhythm of Clarke’s breathing, Clarke watched as her hands slowly reached to grab the bar that was gradually coming closer. Reaching the climax of the jump, she felt her body begin to descend in altitude, soaring downwards as her fingertips brushed against the metal bars smooth surface.

Feeling the cold metal against her fingers Clarke immediately gripped the bar, slightly bending her elbows in a bid to lessen the impact of the jump on her arms. Collective sighs of relief escaped from the three on-lookers from below as they saw Clarke successfully make the jump, her biceps flexing as she pulled herself up to the next bar. If it wasn’t for the evident trembling of her arms, Clarke would have made it look easy.

Clarke’s laughter echoed into the sky as she swung her feet up to the pole beneath her, re-establishing her balance. “It’s so great up here. You guys should try it.” Clarke grinned down at her friends, “If you can”

Octavia eyebrows furrowed, _Clarke never mocked people_. A low growl resonated from within her throat as she pushed down her burning desire to tackle Clarke off the edge herself. Valiantly, Octavia braved against another strong gust of wind, stabilising herself on the narrow ledge before inching herself closer to the base of the metal structure welded to the rooftop.

 “What are you doing?” Jasper demanded watching the brunette spread her arms to gain balance as she approached the antenna.

“Going to get that idiot” Octavia snarled back in reply, still glaring up at Clarke who was now swinging from pole to pole.

“You can’t climb up there the beam isn’t strong enough. It can’t handle anymore extra weight. It’s too risky” Monty shouted his response.

“We can’t just sit here and do nothing!” Jasper cried.

Meanwhile, Clarke was having the time of her life. Clarke had never felt more alive. She felt _free_. Wanting to push the limits of her own body against the weight of gravity, Clarke swung herself around the thin vertical pole, screaming in delight as she saw a whole 360 degree panoramic view of the city.  

“Clarke get down NOW” It was no longer a question. Clarke’s body immediately froze mid motion at the sound of Octavia’s command.

At the sight of Octavia’s expressionless face Clarke was suddenly highly aware of how her arms ached from holding up her body weight for way longer than what she was accustomed to.

_‘Don’t listen to them. She’s trying to deceive you. Everyone always deceives you’_

Ignoring the wave of pain streaming down the length of her arm, Clarke growled back a response that had come from within her.

“NO”

Octavia narrowed her gaze as she heard Monty and Jasper gasp in shock from behind her.

“What do we do!?” Jasper practically shoved Octavia off-balance in an attempt to earn any reaction from the expressionless girl.

“Let go of the pole I dare you!” Octavia ignored the second round of gasps coming from her flabbergasted friends. Her face showed no sign of fear or uneasiness as she met gazes with Clarke.

_‘Don’t listen to her. She’s try-’_

“What?” Clarke muttered, her brows knitting in confusion.

Staring into Octavia’s onyx eyes, Clarke only saw a single word flash across them; c _hallenge._

_‘She doesn’t think you can do it. Prove her wrong’_

“Don’t test her!” Jasper couldn’t contain the words he hissed at Octavia.

Jasper’s statement sparked Clarke’s interest. Without a moment of hesitation, Clarke’s grip automatically slackened around the only pole keeping her balanced on the metal structure.

Clarke stretched her arms out wide like a bird in flight as she wobbled against the strong gust of wind that blew against her small frame.

“Clarke, please get down” A soft melodic voice broke into Clarke’s train of thoughts.

 _That tone_. Clarke hadn’t heard it in so long that she had forgotten Octavia could even possess that type of emotion. That voice, it was filled with _fear_.

Clarke instantly felt as though someone had punched her in the stomach. Soon a wave of guilt washed over her and Clarke felt like she was drowning. Octavia’s eyes had transformed again, materialising into a transparent window that gave Clarke a clear view into her abyss of worry and fear.

The voices were more frantic now; some were pleading for her to listen to her friend, some demanded her to continue her climb, while others just seemed to ramble with the sole purpose of adding to the white noise. However one sole voice resonated above them all.

“Please” Octavia pleaded.

Clarke’s teeth bit firmly down onto her tongue, the taste of blood acted as a temporary relief to the war raging on within her. Her head pounded against the confines of her skull as she tried to sift through all the commands.

“Okay!” Clarke shouted in distress, earning a unison sigh of relief from her friends beneath her.

Frantically, Clarke plotted her descent to the rooftop as her knees began to wobble. Her gaze immediately landed onto a horizontal pole above her. It was slightly slimmer and shorter in length than the other poles she had previous scaled but it was also the perfect tool to swing off and launch her body back onto the safety of the rooftop.

All she had to do was grab it and swing down off of it. The task was simple enough but her body was far too fatigued to do it with the same ease as when she first started her climb.  It was just out of arms reach above her head. She could get it.

“Clarke just take your time and get down the way you came up” Monty called from below, not wanting his friend to make any rash moves now.

_‘Just one tiny leap’_

“Clarke no!”

Leaping upwards with her arms outstretched, Clarke had a smile plastered on her face as she ignored the fact that she had leant a little too far forward when taking off. Nothing could take away the bliss of feeling like she was flying.

 _‘It’s so close’  
_ Clarke’s fingers stretched into the sky, unknown to her that in the mist of losing her footing, she had misjudged how far the jump really was.

_It was only a small leap, so why was the pole so far away from her reach?  
Why was it getting further away? _

_‘Stop mocking me’_ Clarke glared at the pole, watching as it became smaller as she began falling.

 _“_ CLARKE!” The sound of Octavia’s shriek pierced Clarke’s ears as her body neared the rooftop.

Glancing out of her peripheral vision, Clarke watched as Octavia threw her body across the edge of the platform, Jasper and Monty quickly grabbing her feet to prevent her from diving off the building. Clarke groaned as she felt like she had been stabbed in the back as she came in contact with Octavia’s hands.

Fingers clawed at Clarke’s clothes, attempting to pull her to safety. Clarke could feel each individual fingernail of Octavia’s hands as they sunk into the back of her jacket. The sound of fabric ripping greeted Clarke’s ears as she felt her body flip mid-air, the right side of her jacket had been ripped off of her body by Octavia, exposing her to the elements. Clarke whipped around in the cascading air, watching as her jacket clung solely onto her left arm, the rest of it trailing her body like a flag whistling in the wind. If she had looked just beyond the jacket Clarke would have seen the fading faces of her friends, all mirroring the same look of despair and horror.

All Clarke could hear was the sound of air as it whistled passed her ears. She was now in a free-fall down four stories to the campus where groups of students were surely gathered in the courtyard, enjoying their break. Little did they know, they were about to be rudely interrupted.

_‘You failed again’_

Clarke chuckled miserably at the voice as she shut her eyes, preparing for what was to come. Within seconds she estimated that she had already plummeted past the top two floors of the building. Knowing the layout of her school, Clarke braced herself for the impact that was going to come too early for it to be the ground.

 

Out of nowhere, Clarke felt the air being knocked out of her lungs as her back rammed into what felt like a giant knife. Again, Clarke’s body was tossed around as she flipped to fall face first into the oncoming objects. She wanted to fight off the knives that stabbed every inch or her body. She wanted to cry as the distinct sound of her bones cracking. She wanted the voices to stop.

Time seemed to slow as Octavia, Monty and Jasper watched wide-eyed, mouths gaping in utter shock as Clarke’s body hit into a large oak tree. The sheer power and speed that Clarke fell at was evident as her body snapped straight through the thick tree branches like they were twigs.

Squeezing her eyes even tighter, Clarke tried blocking out the sounds of her jacket ripping, surely leaving the item of clothing in nothing but tatters now, as another branch tore straight through the fabric slicing her delicate flesh. Even the delicate leaves, which decorated the tree branches with lushes green, felt like razors against Clarke’s skin.

Thrashing from one branch to the next, Clarke silently prayed that one of these branches would break her fall or at least do the job of putting her out of her misery.

The end was near now.

Suddenly, Clarke’s heart flew forward into her rib cage as she felt a change in direction. Opening one eye, she watched as her jacket which had snagged onto a sturdy branch above her, the sudden stopping force causing her body to soar upwards.

‘Maybe I can still reach that pole’ Clarke thought as she felt herself elevate higher above the ground.

Unfortunately gravity didn’t work that way and Clarke quickly found herself spiralling down to the ground again, only significantly slower this time, prolonging the time she had to endure this pain.

In the few extra seconds of time she was granted Clarke had just enough time to resite a poem she felt was fitting for this situation. Her English Literature tutor would be so proud of her.  


_"I have fallen from sky,_  
Fallen to the ground,  
I am the angel of sadness,  
Angel of lost hopes,  
Angel of lost dreams.  
They took my wings,  
They took me apart made me human.  
I was the fallen angel,  
But that fallen angel had one chance in life that she was given.  
This angel won’t make the same mistakes she made before,  
This angel will go down the right path that has been chosen for her,  
This fallen angel knows what she has to do to be forgiven.”

“I’m sorry Clarke” Octavia muttered at a barely audible level, tears flowing down her cheeks to land onto the tightly grasped ripped piece of fabric that she held in her hands.

A small smile planted on Clarke’s face as she heard the sound of chatter and laughter in her ears, no one had yet noticed her falling. _She finally found out what it was like to fall._

_‘Stupid girl, you failed again. You deserve to fall’_

That was the last voice Clarke heard before her body took its final blow, hitting the ground, everything immediately went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST CHAPTER DONE! Things are starting off a bit slow but it will pick up the pace soon ;)   
> P.S. Do you guys like the length of the chapter or would you rather it be cut down into more parts?


	2. The Shrink

**Psycho** tic  
**Chapter 2:** The Shrink

If the smell of antiseptic wasn’t a clear enough indicator to where she was heading, the sound of sirens left little to imagination. If Clarke could move her lips, she would have groaned at the thought of the hellish events to come. Hospitals weren’t a place she enjoyed being in; all the doctors and annoying nurses that popped in every hour, being bed-ridden for days, all the needles and worst of all, having to face her worried family.

Faint whispers talked over each other, drips and drabs of new dialogue constantly overlapped into a swirl of noises which was impossible to decode. Clarke was far too disorientated to make sense of her scrambled thoughts or how much pain she was really in. In fact, it was hard to focus on anything other than the tingling sensation running down the length of her spine. Nerve endings were alive against the feather-like touches which sent her body alight. An abnormal wave of warmth stemmed from her spine, spreading outwards throughout her body contrasting the coldness in her chest.

She couldn’t move; being strapped down onto a gurney only made the task harder to do. Her throat burned with the urge to cough against its swollen walls which had enclosed around her voice box. All of her efforts were futile. Her body was completely unresponsive. From behind her eyelids, Clarke watched as a wave of pitched black water came hurdling at her, engulfing her into a world of darkness as she blacked out again.

  
  


“I can’t get a heart rate!” A young medic yelled frantically at the other paramedics in the ambulance. His hands trembled as he hastily pulled his stethoscope into his ears, placing the cold metal surface onto the patient’s chest, desperately listening for a heartbeat.

“What do you mean you can’t get a pulse?” Alarmed by the alert, a senior paramedic who had climbed in from the front of the ambulance immediately rushed to the younger male’s side. Swiftly pushing the young paramedic aside, the man placed two fingers against Clarke’s neck feeling for a pulse. Her skin was clammy to the touch and looked discoloured compared to his blush covered fingers, which he noted were both the expected physiological reactions to trauma. He waited and waited, expecting to feel a slight distinct wave pulsing against the weight of his fingers.

After a few moments of feeling nothing the senior paramedic’s worry began to grow as he immediately started running basic checks in his head of all of Clarke’s vital signs. With all of his years of experience under his belt it was only moments before the medic’s checklist of vitals were complete and he was left being puzzled further. Although he was baffled by the lack of heartbeat against his fingers and on the heart rate monitor screen in front of him, his worries quickly settled as he watched the slow rise and fall of his patient’s chest.

The medic cringed internally whilst reprimanding himself. _How could he have let himself get flustered – even for a second – over such a rookie mistake?_ Removing his hand, the senior paramedic set his face into an expressionless mask hoping to have not given away any signs of confusion. He was not about to be chastised or embarrassed by some junior medic.

“She has a pulse you idiot. Check twice before you sound off an alarm next time!” The senior paramedic hissed at the young medic. _Oh, he was a hypocrite for sure._

“She doesn’t, I swear!” The young paramedic defended himself, his mouth left gaping in disbelief.

“Well please explain to me how is she breathing if she doesn’t have a pulse?” Pointing out the obvious, the senior paramedic hit the junior medic up-side the head. “Apprentices these days are just getting worse and worse” He grumbled.

“Okay, jeez! I’m sorry” The junior medic rubbed his head as the other paramedic marched back to the front of the ambulance, leaving Clarke alone with the junior paramedic.

Watching as Clarke’s chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, the paramedic hesitantly reached out to check her pulse again. Pulling his hand away after a few minutes the junior paramedic shook his head in a daze having still felt nothing.

“Maybe I should study up on my basic first-aid techniques again” The medic mumbled to himself, frowning.

   
  


* * *

  
  


“How are you feeling Miss Griffin?” A doctor stood at the foot of Clarke’s hospital bed looking down at her with an overly fake smile on his face. He held a clipboard pressed tightly against his torso, concealing away the personal information of all the patients he had attended on his rounds.

“I survived didn’t I?” Clarke snarled coldly, staring at the unfamiliar doctor that was trying too hard for her liking to be nice. A knot of irritation stirred within her stomach, constantly coiling and unravelling as this encounter with yet another doctor continued to wear on.

“Clarke, be nice” Abby, who stood at Clarke’s bedside, whispered harshly into her daughter’s ear. However being reprimanded for her actions only egged Clarke to glare more at the man who had been talking to her for the past half an hour. The conversation had long ago lost her interest but Abby constant interjections into her ears was the only thing that kept Clarke from succumbing to the sleep that weighed down her eyelids.

Taking a once over glance of the room, Clarke noted all of the people that had come to visit her in hospital. It wasn’t surprising to find Abby clutching onto the frame of her bed with Jake, Clarke’s father, standing behind her with Abby’s hand held tightly in his own. Jake had always been one of those silent comforters who acted as the emotional rock of the family when situations like this occurred. Clarke was beginning to think that her old man didn’t believe that there wasn’t a single problem out there that couldn’t be solved with a few comforting words and conjoining hands with your loved ones. It was a rather stupid sentiment when she thought about it. Clarke’s eyes flickered to the foot of her bed, looking slightly to the right of the doctor where the familiar faces of her friends; Octavia, Jasper and Monty were.

Jasper sat slumped into an upholstered chair, his head buried into his hands as he leaned all his weight onto the arm of the chair Monty sat in beside him. Dark brown curls clung haphazardly against Jasper’s forehead, making him appear more rugged than Clarke had ever seen him. His eyes appeared to have sunk further into his skull, casting a long menacing shadow down his tired face. He looked so fragile, both of them did. Flickering her gaze between the two best friends, Clarke expected to see at least one of their bodies cave in on themselves at any moment. Both of them looked like they were still overcoming shock. Monty, although his face showed no signs of shock, had yet to cease trembling since the accident. Clarke could see his eyes constantly scan over all of the different tubes attached to the various machines flowing into her body through different cannulas. It was surely a frightening sight to see, one that Clarke had put them through too many times.

The only one who seemed composed out of the three of them stood by herself, leaning against the wall behind her, her pair of dreary eyes boring holes into the side of Clarke’s skull. Clarke couldn’t bear to make eye contact with Octavia knowing that she’d be greeted by a gaze which spoke more volumes than words ever could. Clarke didn’t want to see the look of disappointment, especially when she could still recall how it had almost broken her the last time she had saw it. Instead of facing the intense gaze of her friend, Clarke chose to focus onto watching her hands which were fiddling with the fabric of the woollen blanket laid on top of her. As she picked at the individual fibres of wool Clarke tried ignoring the pointed stares of everyone in the room watching her intently. She didn’t want to face the solemn looks of pity and worry, not today, not _ever_.

Feeling a prick of annoyance begin to brew within her, Clarke rolled her eyes and stared indifferently at the doctor.

“When can I leave?”

The doctor shifted slightly under her gaze but went on to answer anyways. Running a hand through his mane of brown locks, the doctor cleared his throat before reading the reports from his clipboard which held the answer to Clarke’s question.

“Well I got to say you’re incredibly lucky. I don’t know how you did it but surprisingly your injuries aren’t that serious. Your blood tests and CT scan all came back normal which is a good sign. Although we are still waiting on a few tests to come back, it seems that other than a fractured wrist and some cuts and bruises, you’re okay” The doctor paused to flash a smile at Clarke which was not reciprocated.

“That’s great news!” Abby practically squealed in delight as a wave of relief washed over her. When she had gotten the call from the university earlier today, Abby had feared the worst for her daughter. “Thank you so much Marcus”

Dr Kane chuckled in response to Abby’s thanks. “I’m just doing my job”

Clarke rolled her eyes again at that line.

“Clarke is really lucky though. It’s a miracle that the tree broke your fall. If the tree hadn’t been there…” Dr Kane let the rest of the sentence fade, knowing that the other occupants in the room knew where he was taking his train of thought without having to voice it.  

Clarke’s eyes narrowed into a glare, she could see right through his ‘nice guy act’. Dr Kane didn’t care about her. _Hell,_ if he wasn’t a family friend of her mother Clarke doubted he would even be here right now. It was clear to Clarke that his purpose of being here was only out of friendship obligation instead of genuine concern for Clarke’s health; that was how it always was with him. The layer of bile coating her throat wasn’t the sole reason for Clarke’s feelings of repulsion; she was quickly reminded of the real reason as she was met with another radiant smile from said doctor. He always had the same disgusting smile plastered across his face whenever he talked to her. It was fake, _all fake._

_‘Lies, lies, lies’_

“That still doesn’t answer my question” Clarke cut into the light conversation Abby and Marcus had fallen into. Again Dr Kane shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, quickly readjusting himself back into his professional demeanour.

“Once we get your results back and another doctor comes in to give you final clearance you may be discharged to rest at home for a few days. We have put your wrist into a cast to help your bone heal correctly and you’ll have to keep it on for about a month”

Clarke glanced down at the clunky plaster cast which covered her left forearm and hand, immobilising all movement of her wrist. Instinctively, Clarke wiggled her fingers to see how much range of motion she had left in her hand. The results of her test were displeasing to say the least; she could only move the very top half of her fingers which poked out from the ends of her cast, her hand was practically useless now.  

Dr Kane continued while eyeing Clarke’s hand which was straining to move against its confines, “Make sure you don’t put any weight or strain on your wrist for a few weeks and I suggest taking some time off from school to fully recover.”

“Thank you so much Marcus” Jake smiled as he patted Dr Kane on the back, reiterating his thanks as he pulled his friend into a one armed bear hug.

“It was nothing, just part of the job” Kane chuckled, as he pulled the curtains back to exit the hospital ward. Just before he left, he added “We should have dinner together soon. I’m sure I have a lot of stories to catch up on” The last half of his sentence was clearly directed at Clarke and her ever going antics.

Clarke only groaned as she heard her parents accept the offer and make plans as Dr Kane left. Her eyes shifted back to looking at the IV tubes that ran out of her arms, pumping in some sort of clear liquid into her veins. She faintly hoped it was morphine; at least that would make this current painstaking conversation somewhat bearable. However Clarke’s wishes weren’t necessary as silence settled over the room as the doctor had finally left. She even managed to get a moment of peace before the short lived silence was broken as attention was averted back onto her.

“Clarke Abigail Griffin what the hell did you think you were doing? Do you know how worried I was?!”

And let the lecturing begin.

Clarke’s gaze didn’t lift from her bed sheets as Abby ranted away about how reckless she had been by doing such stupid things. Perhaps she had been too reckless; Abby certainly seemed to think so. It seemed that her mother only intention was to pile on guilt as she reminded Clarke how selfish she was to put not only herself in danger but also cause her friends and family distress. Clarke faintly registered Monty shift uncomfortably in her peripheral vision as Abby leaned further into her personal space. Normally, a lecture like this would be enough to make anyone feel sick to the core with guilt but Clarke’s conscience had checked out long ago. Instead, Clarke’s attention had drifted to staring down at the wheels of her bed wondering how much effort it would take to break the locks off the bed and wheel herself out of here.

“Clarke! Clarke, are you even listening to me?” Abby shouted.

The only response she got was a slow blink from Clarke who was staring blankly into thin air.

“See Jake she’s not even listening” Abby pulled back to turn and face her husband, who was still standing beside her as a pillar of support. Jake’s lips pursed together as if he was in deep thought as he watched tears well up in his wife’s eyes.

“There is something wrong” Jake started, earning all eyes to be on him, with the exception of Clarke who was still tuned out to reality. “She’s becoming even less responsive these days. It has gotten to the point that Clarke doesn’t even respond when you shout in her face when she slips into one of _these…_ trances” He sighed, running his hands through his mop of short swept-back brown hair.

“Abby, Jake…” Octavia spoke up whilst pushing herself off the wall, “with all due respect I think you’re overthinking this. Clarke just had a huge fall that could have _killed_ her. She’s just coping with it by blocking things out”

“She just needs time to recover” Octavia quickly cut in as she saw Abby begin to retaliate.

Abby sighed at that. “I would love to believe you Octavia, I really would but this has been going on for too long now. It’s not _normal_ ”

Octavia felt herself flinch at the statement but wasn’t about to back down from defending Clarke.

“We just want to know what’s wrong with her” Jake added, his thumb stroking the back of Abby’s hand to give her reassurance. Abby wiped away the tears streaming down her face as she tried to prevent her thoughts from slipping into a dark place.

Her daughter was everything to her but she also brought a lot of trouble to her family and friends. Sometimes Abby couldn’t help but imagine what it’d be like to live without Clarke’s constant issues and each time Abby felt instantly guilty for ever even having those thoughts. _What type of mother had she become?_

Feeling that it wasn’t her place to speak up, Octavia kept mum on the subject allowing only the sound of Abby’s sobs to fill the room. It’s not that Octavia didn’t share their concerns of Clarke’s health, of course she did, it’s just that no one knew Clarke like she did. Usually she was on top of preventing Clarke from going AWOL but her moment lapse in keeping an eye on her had almost cost her friend her life.

Swallowing her regrets, Octavia shifted her attention to observe Jake as he whispered comforting words into the shell of Abby’s ear. The low, mellow tones of his voice which resonated across the room managed to even have a soothing effect on her as she silently watched the intimate encounter.

“Hi, can you tell me which room Clarke Griffin is in? Oh yes, thank you” The sound of a foreign voice echoed into the room.

Monty, who seemed to be the only one that noticed the new voice, leaned back in his chair to poke his head out of the curtains that had been pulled over to give Clarke privacy. Immediately his eyes landed on a woman dressed in a long white coat talking to a reception nurse just outside the ward they were currently in. Clarke’s room was stationed right next to the nurse’s reception desk which allowed for the perfect view of watching the constant flow of nurses going up and down the hallway and allowed them to be well aware of a new presence before they even entered the room.

Monty pulled his head in just as he saw the woman begin to approach the ward.

“Another doctor is coming to see Clarke” Monty announced, his eyes shifting to Abby who was still sobbing softly in Jake’s arms. Suddenly feeling as if he was imposing on this family situation he decided to add, “We should clear out and give you time alone with the doctor”

With that, Monty got up, pulling Jasper to stand along with him. Glancing briefly in Clarke’s direction, Monty felt the same wave of dread rush over him as he immediately began vividly recalling the flashbacks of what had happened merely hours before. It took several blinks before the images burned into his eyelids began to fade away.

“We will be down in the cafeteria” Without waiting for a reply, Monty dragged Jasper behind him to exit the ward.

Seeing her friends leave, Octavia quickly followed suit, pausing momentarily to glance back at Clarke once more.

“Thank you” Jake gave a small smile to Octavia who only offered a nod in response before fully ducking out of the curtain.

Slipping out into the isle of the ward, Octavia took a quick glance at the other curtain covered beds occupied by other patients. Drawing her attention forwards, Octavia’s eyes narrowed on the lonesome figure coming her way. Octavia only had the chance do a once over the woman as she briskly slipped passed her undetected.

But even at a glance, one couldn’t help but notice those piercing emerald eyes.   


“Hello, you must be the Griffins” Clarke’s parents looked towards the cascade of light which flowed into the room as a slim arm drew back the hospital curtains to reveal a women carrying a small black book and felt-tip pen.

“Hello” Abby blinked away the last few lingering tears that clung to her eyelashes having already wiped her eyes with her hand before welcoming the new doctor, hoping the she wouldn’t notice that she had been crying.

“What’s wrong?” The doctor’s eyebrows creased together as she made eye contact with the middle-aged women that by her mere appearance looked so fragile that she could break at any moment. “I was informed that your daughter had miraculously suffered no serious injuries from the fall. You should be happy”

Abby frowned at the straightforwardness of the brunette newcomer.  

“You shouldn’t cry in front of your daughter. You are her only source of strength right now” The woman spoke with a formality and wisdom that, by the looks of her youthful complexion, was far beyond her years. 

Evident shock was written across both Abby and Jake Griffin’s faces at the bluntness of this doctor. However as the words sunk in, their faces relaxed again realising that the young doctor was right. _They did have to be strong for Clarke, now more than ever._

“Alexandria Woods, nice to meet you” The woman introduced herself to Clarke’s parents first before spinning around to smile at a spaced-out Clarke. “And this must be Clarke”

“Hello Clarke” Alexandria spoke as she stepped directly into the line of sight of the patient lying in the bed in front of her, trying to get Clarke’s attention. The small smile that adorned her features faltered when the only successful response she received from Clarke was a dazed blink. Feeling her jaw set into its natural place, Alexandria adapted her approach of gaining the blondes attention by simply waiting until she was noticed.

As if she was expecting it, Alexandria didn’t even flinch as Abby snapped at Clarke a second later.

“Clarke, don’t be rude!” Abby yelled in a pitch which Alexandria guessed was unnaturally high for her based on how her voice cracked at the end of the sentence. Seeing no response to her yell, Abby immediately grabbed onto Clarke’s arm which was draped over the bed’s frame.

The green-eyed brunette silently watched as Clarke’s glossy eyes suddenly hardened into a deadly glare which was immediately sent towards her mother as she ripped her arm away from Abby’s grasp. The brunette had expected the violent reaction since she had been taught never to touch a person in a psychosis-like trance. However she was certainly not expecting the next set of words that spilt out of the blonde’s mouth.

“Touch me again and I’ll break every little bone in that hand of yours” Venom practically dripped from Clarke’s tongue as she hissed at her mother. The sudden outburst of rage left everyone in the room taken aback, however the young medical professional held her composure well. If looks could kill, Alexandria definitely believed the blonde was capable of following through with her threat.

“Hello Clarke, I’m sorry to interrupt what you were doing but I am here to do your final check-up” Alexandria decided to announce her presence to the blonde who instantly shifted her gaze onto her.

She didn’t falter even slightly under the glare directed at her but instead had to control a smirk that threatened to make its way onto her face as she took in the appearance of the blonde. It was ironic how the cold greeting from her patient only made the blue of her eyes resemble ice glaciers.

“I’ve already had four doctors come and give me a check-up in the past two hours, including eight vials of blood been drawn. They’re all said I am completely fine to be discharged so why don’t we skip this step and you let me leave already?” It was more of a command than a question.

Clarke eyes danced over the appearance of her new doctor, her gaze stopping to stare at the odd choice of hairstyle. Never had Clarke met a doctor who strayed away from the neutral permitted conventions of the doctors dress code as the brunette in front of her did. Her long brunette hair was pulled into tight braids which surprisingly didn’t need dozens of hair ties to stay in place. Clarke had only seen hairstyles like this in her history textbooks when they were studying Native American tribes last semester and the resemblance was almost uncanny. She also noted that the black eye shadow which framed the brunette’s pair of emerald eyes in a smoky haze was far too dark to be considered appropriate for this type of workplace.

“I promise that this will be your last check-up. You will be able to go home immediately if you pass these last few tests” Clarke watched as the doctor spoke in a low voice. Not once did her neutral mask break into a smile, not that Clarke minded.

She actually preferred it this way. Clarke had never understood why doctors and nurses pretended to act like that cared about their patient’s troubles when in reality they were just counting down the hours until the end of their shift. She saw through all the facades, so Clarke was pleasantly surprised when all that she was greeted by was nothing but the brunette’s emotionless face. The brunette offered no clear insight into what she was feeling but at least she didn’t try to fool Clarke into thinking she was pleased to be here talking to her. Clarke could respect that approach.

“Would you mind stepping out of the room for a few minutes so I can talk to Clarke alone?” The brunette asked Clarke’s parents politely, knowing that patients were always more likely to open-up when in a private environment. Of course, she was well aware that there were other patients around which could listen in to their conversation but there was nothing the brunette could do other than pull the curtains as closed as possible once Clarke’s parents had reluctantly left.

Clarke eyed the brunette carefully as she watched her pull a visitor seat to her bed side, sitting down,  putting both women at the same eye level. Having removed any physical power imbalance between the two of them by sitting down, Alexandria opted to open the atmosphere in light conversation. 

“You’ve had a hard day today, huh Clarke?” She mused but immediately halted once she saw Clarke’s glare intensify. _‘Not a fan of humour. Great’_ the brunette silently noted to herself, coming off more sarcastic than she had intended.

“You’re not a doctor, are you?” Clarke’s eyes flickered down to the white coat which the brunette wore. The fact that she didn’t have any medical equipment on her jacket, no hospital name tag, nor was she wearing those ugly hospital shoes instead opting to wear black leather boots didn’t escape Clarke’s sharp observations.

Clarke immediately felt her defences go up as she came to the conclusion of who this woman really was.

“I don’t want to be psychoanalysed”

“I see you’re a quick observer” The brunette was slightly impressed at how quickly the blonde picked up on her real profession. “How did you know I was a psychologist?”

The words stung Clarke as her suspicions were confirmed by the question.

“Because all shrinks look a-like” Clarke hissed her response, repeating the words which had floated to the front of her mind.

Alexandria observed Clarke’s appearance as she spoke. Except for the fact that her arm was wrapped in a white cast and there were IV tubes protruding from her arm, Clarke looked quite normal for a person who had fallen off a four-story building only hours ago. The cuts which stained her perfect complexion had already started to scab over and the bruises which littered her body could easily be covered up with foundation. However it was the flicker of emotions in Clarke’s eyes which concerned the psychologist the most.

The brunette watched as Clarke’s hand shook with what she assumed was the same rage she had seen the blonde display earlier as it clenched at the bed sheets with a tight fist. However in a blink of an eye the sheets were released by a calm hand which showed no sign of anger at all. The action of clenching and unclenching repeated continuously as Clarke’s eyes mirrored this quick contrast of emotions. It was a baffling sight even for the psychologist.

“I want to go home” The blonde spoke again, her hand releasing the sheets but this time made no effort to grab them again. This time her voice was coated in an almost dejected sigh.

“Well before you are allowed to be discharged you and I have to have a little talk” Alexandria reasoned. Her voice was notably quieter than before in order to match the volume of Clarke’s.

“Why do I have to?” Clarke whined.

Alexandria noted that the spark of rage and annoyance she had before was completely absent.

“Because it is hospital protocol that a patient who has attempted suicide gets a psychological assessment to ensure they are in the right frame of mind to be discharged” The brunette explained easily before adding “And it depends on my result whether you get to go home or not so let’s have a talk so you leave as soon as possible, okay?”

“I wasn’t trying to commit suicide. I just slipped” Clarke clarified, narrowing her eyes at the psychologist a few feet away from her.

“How did you fall?” The brunette quickly asked a follow up question.

Clarke watched as the psychologist opened the small black notebook she had been holding onto her lap, slender fingers flicked through inked pages before coming at a stop at a fresh page situated near the end of the book. She continued to observe as the brunette wrote todays date and Clarke’s name as a header at the top of the page.

“I climbed up a reception antenna, lost balance and fell backwards” Clarke answered straightforwardly, her eyes glued to the brunette’s pen as it began writing what she had just said.

“Why were you up there in the first place?” The psychologist looked up to raise an eyebrow in interest.

“Because I wanted to, it’s fun up there” Clarke felt her anger begin to build up inside of her as she watched the psychologist write down everything she was saying.

Tapping against the mattress, Clarke tried to contain the ticking time bomb inside of her which was ready to explode at any moment.

“And that’s what makes me angry” Clarke admitted through gritted teeth.

“What does?” Clarke was met with a flash of emerald as the psychologist looked at her, having ceased writing.

“That” Clarke nodded to the pen still connected to the page of the psychologist’s notebook. “You writing down everything I say pisses me off. You Shrinks are all the same. You don’t care about the patient as long as your pay cheque is big. It doesn’t even matter what I tell you right now because you won’t remember anything unless you look at that stupid book” Clarke laughed humourlessly, glaring down at the notebook.

_All shrinks were a joke. They were just money-hungry people that used the suckers dumb enough to hire them as the punch line. Clarke was not about be the punch line of yet another joke._

“I can ensure you that is not true, Clarke. Everyone is different. Each one of my patients thinks and reacts differently to a variety of things. I just use my notebook to keep track of the observations I make to ensure I don’t accidently trigger anyone and so that I can keep track of progress.”

“Excuses! You, along with the rest, are all full of lies” The venom was back and the brunette slightly moved back expecting her to spit the projectile into her eyes at any moment. Alexandria contemplated the words for a moment before shutting her notebook and putting the lid on her pen.

“I understand your frustrations Clarke. I won’t write notes if it makes you uncomfortable, I will remember everything you say to me” Green eyes met blue as the psychologist gave Clarke her full attention now that she didn’t have to write.

“Whatever” Clarke shifted her attention to stare at the ceiling.

She immediately regretted that the consequence of the brunette not writing notes was that she now had no distraction from staring at Clarke. Her stare was far too intense for Clarke’s liking and she hoped that the brunette would get the sign that she didn’t want to talk anymore and would just leave.

“Do you find it hard to control your emotions Clarke?”

The sudden question caught Clarke off-guard as she searched her mind for an answer. _Could anyone really control their emotions? If you are sad, happy or angry your face or body language reflects that one way or another. You can’t just pretend not to feel, right?_

The answer was obvious and yet Clarke’s mind couldn’t seem to register it as being correct. Emotions of confusion surfaced one by one only to be immediately swallowed back down into the depths of her deep blue eyes. It was so fast that if Alexandria had blinked at that moment, she would have missed it. She would have missed the gleam of uncertainty in the corner of those cold eyes. She would have missed the only sign of life.

“I can control my emotions perfectly fine” Clarke looked back down at the brunette, speaking in a monotone voice which mirrored her equally as expressionless face. _Control, she could control herself. Yeah, she could control herself or at least that’s what she told herself._

“Interesting” The brunette hummed to herself, lips pursing together in contemplation, what she was thinking however remained a mystery. Green never strayed from blue, diving deeper and deeper into unexplored waters. “Do you often feel depressed?” She asked, prying deeper into private information that Clarke didn’t particularly feel like sharing.

“Maybe” Clarke shrugged against her pillow, feigning indifference.

“If you don’t work with me here Clarke, you won’t be getting discharged anytime soon” Alexandria didn’t sigh, nor did she roll her eyes but she couldn’t stop the sarcastic comment which came next. “And to be honest with you, I’m not too thrilled about doing this right now either, especially when this was supposed to be my day off”

Clarke bit back instantly, “I don’t want to talk to you or anyone. And I especially don’t want to talk to some fucking psychologist that I don’t like”

 “Well I’m not asking you to like me” The psychologist responded calmly despite Clarke’s insult and clear aggression towards her. “I just want you to answer my questions so that I can do my job”

Clarke sighed at that. Cranking her neck to the left, she felt her muscles lengthen before steadily relaxing as she buried her head deeper into the lumpy standard-issue pillow which she had been given by the hospital. Closing her eyes for a moment too long to be considered a blink, Clarke relished in the short moment of silence which settled between the two of them. But the enjoyment silence brought was always short lived when it came to Clarke. Silence gave the voices too much time to be heard, it gave them the power of control.

Promptly the voices roared to life; each voice screaming over the other in a bid to be heard. Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, speaking quickly to attempt to distract herself from the battle cries resonating within her. “The doctors say I have depression…I take medication for it”

When blue eyes reopened they couldn’t bear to look into emerald. Her gaze was trained on studying the pattern of the curtains which hung behind the brunette when the psychologist spoke again.

“How do you feel when you don’t take your medication?”

“Sad obviously” Clarke snickered sarcastically, her voice steadily decreased in volume, finishing the sentence in a barely audible whisper. Alexandria’s ears perked up at what she heard Clarke mumble, making a mental note to herself to not forget that fact. She had heard more than enough.

“Thank you for your time Clarke. I will go inform the nurses to prepare your discharge papers and I’ll bring your parents back in here” Clarke watched as the young psychologist promptly stood up, pushed the chair back to where it belonged and left with a flick of brown hair over her shoulder.

“Finally” Clarke exhaled as she flopped further into the mattress of her bed, her casted arm landing to shade her eyes away from the illuminating lights.

 

* * *

  
  


“Mr and Mrs Griffin, can I please speak to you for a moment?” The Griffin’s whirled around immediately at the sound of Alexandria’s voice drifted up the hallway, just in time to see the woman approach them.

“Yes, of course! How is she doctor?” Abby rushed forward to meet the woman halfway. All it took was three unnaturally long strides before Abby came to a jerked halt in front of the brunette, immediately clasping at the corners of the brunettes jacket. Alexandria’s eyes shifted to look beyond Abby, noting the abandoned cup of coffee left on the arm rest of the chairs her husband was slumped in.  A flash of apprehension framed his features as he promptly stood and made his way over to where the two of them stood.

About half a dozen nurses had whizzed past the three of them heading down the hallway by the time Alexandria chose to finally speak.

“Actually Mrs Griffin, I am a psychologist who was asked to come down here today and give your daughter a psychoanalysis to determine whether she is at threat of repeating today’s incident. Physically, Clarke appears to be very healthy but mentally she is evidently unstable. I fear that she may even be potentially dangerous to herself and others” The brunette took a small pause to let the surely shocking information she had just revealed sink in.

“W-What? How?” It was Jake who was at loss of words.

“Well that’s what I can’t tell you. It’s impossible for me to make an accurate diagnosis at this point in time because I simply haven’t monitored Clarke’s behaviour long enough. I’m not going to jump to any conclusions, especially after she is dealing with the trauma of a near death experience but I’m also not just going to let this incident go by without a follow up. She claims it was all an accident, and I am inclined to believe that, however there is something going on that drove her up that antenna to start with.

“What does that mean? Are you saying my baby is some nut job?!” Abby’s voice rose in volume drawing attention from the nurse typing away at the reception desk behind them. Alexandria merely shifted her weight to her back foot as she paused for Abby to get a hold of herself. She was expecting this outburst anyways, it was normal for people to react to shocking news by throwing accusations in an absolute state of denial.

Clasping her hands behind her back firmly, Alexandria stood straight with confidence as she calmly continued on. “No, I am saying that I am concerned that Clarke may need to talk to someone to overcome whatever issues she is having. Mental health is something a lot of people neglect to take care and I am not about to let Clarke become another victim to carelessness”

There was a slight bite to the end of her sentence which didn’t go unnoticed by Abby who promptly closed her mouth, pressing her lips into a thin line. Jake still looked to be in utter shock as his mouth remained slightly agape, closing and reopening every so often as if he was attempting to say something. Both of the Griffin’s seemed to have lost their voices by the time the psychologist delivered her final blow, a stern order.

“Under my duty of care, I can’t let your daughter to leave constant medical supervision at this point before I can fully diagnose how much of a risk her mental health is at. She is going to need further consultations and as there is no resident psychologist here at this hospital it appears that Clarke is going to have to remain here for a while to get those consultations. Unless-”

“No please, Clarke hates hospitals! There is no way we can possibly keep her here for that long”

Ignoring the interruption, Alexandria pressed on “Unless, you wish to admit your daughter to where I work at so I can personally conduct those consultations. It’s called ‘Sunshine Recovery’.” Slender fingers revealed themselves from behind the brunette’s back, conveniently holding a business card which was instantly extended towards Abby in one smooth movement. “Sunshine Recovery is a government-funded rehabilitation facility which offers a wide variety of treatments to people dealing with physical and mental disabilities or addictions”

“You are located in Mount Weather” Jake commented, reading said information off the business card which was now cradled in his wife’s palm. “That’s a three hour drive away from here. That is too far for Clarke to be away from us, we would never be able to see her”

Alexandria raised a palm into the air to stop Jake from rambling. “Our aim is to isolate our patients from their previous day to day lives to allow them time to focus on overcoming their problems without any distractions. Of course we have visitation hours but I understand the journey to and from the facility is a long trip, but I can ensure you that the travel costs will be the most expensive part of Clarke’s treatments. Everything else, including my salary, is subsidised by the government. Plus, it’s extremely beautiful up in the mountains at this time of year” Green eyes twinkled as the brunette uttered the last sentence almost in a whisper, a ghost of a smile dancing across her face.

Abby and Jake sighed collectively. “I just don’t know if that’s the best decision for Clarke. It’s too far”

The twinkle died instantly. “Of course, I understand your concerns Mrs Griffin. I believe it will be the best place for Clarke to be, but at the end of the day it is your choice. I completely understand if you choose to have Clarke remain here but I must warn you that I may or may not have just accidently informed Clarke that her discharge papers are being prepared as we speak.”

Abby’s eyes narrowed at that; the brunette’s vacant expression gave no hints of this being a joke. No eye twitching, no corners of her lips turning upwards, not a single sign of this situation being some long, elaborate prank. _Damn that girl would be good at playing poker_.

 _‘What a convenient accident’_ , Abby thought to herself but didn’t voice her accusations. This woman had given her no reason to believe her intentions to be anything but having her daughter best interests at heart. Although the brunette’s voice was rather monotonous and revealed little emotion, Abby could not help but notice how those emerald eyes reflected nothing but sincerity and genuine concern. Pushing aside her own uncertainty and selfish desire to keep her daughter close to her, Abby knew that this would be best for Clarke. In fact, Abby knew that the decision to let Clarke go had already been made even before she made eye contact with her husband.

The two of them shared a tight lipped smile before turning to face the young psychologist again. “Okay, we’ll do it”

“We’re in agreement then. I have left a referral letter with the nurses here who are handling Clarke’s discharge. I will inform my workplace to put Clarke down as my patient”

“Thank you so much Miss Woods” Jake reached out and shook the brunettes hand firmly in his grasps.

“You’re welcome but please just call me Lexa”

With a flash of a smile, another handshake exchanged between women, and a whispered goodbye, the psychologist and a pair of devastated parents parted ways. The parents, returned to huddle at the bedside of their only child and deliver the heartbreaking news, while the psychologist, well she strode straight out of that hospital with the mission of finally enjoying the rest of her day off.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,   
> Here is chapter 2 at long last!!  
> I'm so sorry that it's been so long since I updated last, I have been busy job hunting (with little success so far...who knew it'd be so hard) and just wasn't happy with this chapter. It's still not up to my ideal writing standards and I'm not in love with it but I hope it's alright. FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME! And I hope that posting a long chapter will make up for how long it took to write hahaha  
> \- Until next time guys, peace ✌️
> 
> (P.S. I am aiming to try to update this story weekly. I am going to try and make sure to set aside some time to dedicate to writing but I warn you guys I'm a TERRIBLE procrastinator hahaha)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> I decided to write this story because, although Mental Health is becoming more widely known, I feel like it's still very much a taboo topic in our society and that's not how things should be. So hooray for more LGBTI+ and mental health representation! Also this story might start off a little slow because I need to set things up for the plot but bare with me :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not personally know anyone with Multiple Personality Disorder but I've been doing a lot of research in order to make this story as authentic as I can, so apologies in advanced if I make any mistakes. Comments are always welcome :)


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